01 7 / 2012
White people, here’s your one-time Canada Day special: Native people apologize back!
We hereby apologize for being so inconsiderate as to occupy land that, one day, your people would want. Even though we did not have a postal system or an Internet, this was an inexcusable oversight. We hope you are enjoying it.
We apologize for having so many politically correct and incorrect names for you to call us – everything from native to aboriginal to first nations to wagon burner to status-card number 48759375876-1.
In retrospect, to make things easier for you, we should have stayed in India, where we were originally thought to have come from. Unfortunately today it is really hard to get decent palak paneer on the reserve.
We hereby apologize for not understanding the subtle connections between God, children and sexual abuse. Some are still struggling with appreciating this association.
They are forgetting that, early in the Bible, it says, “Let there be white. And it was good.”
We apologize for wanting rights to minerals and other natural resources that exist beneath our feet. When you negotiated for our land, you meant to the Earth’s core.
We did not fully comprehend that when we were put on reserves where our rights to the land only went two or three feet below the surface.
Anything that falls down a sewer grate basically belongs to the Federal Government.
We apologize for being so concerned about the disappearances of so many native women.
We did not realize that the professional attitude of most law-enforcement agencies towards this issue was basically “out of sight, out of mind.” From now on, we’ll report any native women that go missing as white women with dark tans. That should speed up response time.
No need to thank us.
We hereby apologize for straining the Canadian health system due to our propensity towards diseases like diabetes. I know it has been said we put the word “die” in diabetes, but being introduced to all that Kraft Dinner and potato chips was definitely worth giving up the steady diet of salmon and deer.
I am sure the vegetarians are happy.
We apologize for launching so many land claims against the federal and provincial governments. One of our most ancient teachings tells us it is our sacred responsibility to make sure as many lawyers as possible are fed and looked after.
Where would they be without us?
We hereby apologize for wanting autonomy from the Federal bureaucracy of the DIA (Department of Indian Affairs). … Wait a minute, make that DIAND (Department of Indian and Northern Development). … Sorry, but I think it’s now called INAC (Indian and Northern Affairs Canada). … No, I have just been informed the Ministry’s official name is now AANDC – short for Aboriginal Affairs Northern Development Canada. … Now I forget what my original point was.
And though it had nothing to do with us, we are sorry for obvious reasons for the unique acronym of a once-testy office known as the Government of Ontario Native Affairs Directorate.
Finally, and perhaps most of all, we apologize for helping Canada/Great Britain win the War of 1812 against the Americans. There are many in the native community who feel Barack Obama would be a far more interesting leader than Mr. Harper.
But in our defence, who could have guessed?
21 6 / 2012
Southwest Airlines has apologized to a woman passenger who was told by airline staff to cover her cleavage before takeoff. Before boarding, an airline representative reportedly told the passenger, who was wearing a flannel shirt and scarf over a sundress, that she was dressed inappropriately and would need to cover up. ”To add insult to injury,” the woman told Jezebel.com, “the guy sitting in front of me on the plane was wearing a shirt with an actual Trojan condom embedded behind a clear plastic applique and had no trouble getting on his flight.”
Read more: http://newsfeed.time.com/2012/06/18/southwest-airlines-to-women-stow-your-tray-tables-and-your-cleavage/#ixzz1yFP6yC6c
20 6 / 2012
A Latino-focused media watchdog is calling on KTLA to force its morning show anchor to apologize on air for a seemingly racist comment made last week about Latinos.
Last Monday, KTLA 5 Morning News co-anchor Chris Schauble insinuated that bond hearings are as common to Latinos as baptisms and graduations, the National Hispanic Media Coalition said Monday.
20 6 / 2012
WASHINGTON — One hundred and thirty years after passage of the Chinese Exclusion Act, the House on Monday expressed its regret for enacting discriminatory laws targeting Chinese immigrants.
The rare apology came on a resolution sponsored by Rep. Judy Chu, D-Calif., the first Chinese-American woman elected to Congress.
Chu, whose grandfather was forced to register and carry a certificate of residence for about 40 years because of the laws, told House colleagues Monday: “It is for my grandfather and for all Chinese Americans who were told for six decades by the U.S. government that the land of the free wasn’t open to them that we must pass this resolution.”
18 6 / 2012
Conan O’Brien apologized today after a monologue joke on his show last Tuesday upset members and allies of the LGBT community. O’Brien referred to Chicago as “the city of the big shoulders” and followed up by saying that it “was better than the name they almost went with… ‘the unconvincing tr*nny.’” After members of the transgender community began to speak out and after GLAAD reached out, the show agreed to pull the clip and O’Brien issued an apology.
Since it aired, a number of trans community leaders weighed in on the incident, including LGBT Weekly columnist Autumn Sandeen who told GLAAD: “I’m so tired of my peers and I being so frequently portrayed as monsters. I wish that media would recognize that transphobia is monstrous, and if they know the one salient fact about us that we’re trans they don’t know everything about our three-dimensional lives.”
GLAAD received the following statement of apology from O’Brien:
My staff and I had no idea that term was offensive to the transgender community. We apologize and you will not be hearing that term again.
The show has also confirmed they will remove the clip of the joke from the website.
“Had no idea” my ass. Thanks for the apology, but go fuck yourself.
My guess: He asked cis gays if it was offensive, and they told him no.
Still, it’s gratifying to see media people actually listening to trans folks lately.
As a cis person, it is obviously not up to me to accept or reject this apology, but I will say that what I’m sick of is the apology for the TERM rather than the “lol trans women” joke that was behind it.
As is always the case, this joke wouldn’t have been better if he’d said “the unconvincing trans woman” rather than “the unconvincing t*****.” It would have still been a joke based on “broad shouldered women” being gross and “not really women” and “really men” and worthy of our scorn and laughter for being women who are also trans.
I’ve seen a LOT of apologies along this line. “Oh, I didn’t know the term was offensive! I won’t use it in the future … while apparently still saying horrifically transmisogynistic things.”
Neil Patrick Harris, Lance Bass, Conan O’Brien … it’s not better just because you don’t use that particular word.
You’re right, of course. But some days (like today) I feel so beaten down, so hated, that I’ll take whatever I can get. :( Which isn’t right. But it’s where I’m at sometimes.
So, thank you for picking up my slack here.